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Best Books of 2018

December 19, 2018 1 Comment

I have procrastinated this list for weeks. My reading is all out of its normal routine. Usually I start reading the next year’s galleys in late summer or early fall but this year I felt like I hadn’t caught up with 2018 so I kept reading those and then I put all of it on pause for a whole month while I went on a horror binge and then when I came back I had even more of 2018 to catch up on and long story short, eventually I just had to decide to make this list so that it actually came out IN 2018. I may get a straggler that I wish had been on the list, but that happens literally every year and it just can’t be helped.

This list is utterly subjective, it is about my personal experiences with these books. There are so many books that aren’t on it that I adored this year, but I look for a special extra something. I also look for staying power, how long do I continue to think about the book, talk about the book, recommend the book as time passes. The books at the top of my list may not necessarily be better than the ones that don’t make the list at all, it’s just that when I read it I had an experience and that elevates it into the realm of the memorable. But this year’s list is full of all kinds of books so I’m sure there’s something here for everyone. (The top of my list is a bit snooty, but most of it is pretty darn commercial.)

I also had a tricky time this year ranking the books on my list. My top 3 have been my top 3 for quite some time but I couldn’t decide which two to add to round it out to a top 5. And instead of a top 10 I ended up with 11, instead of 20 I have 19. Just gonna roll with it. After all, it isn’t like I’ve updated this blog in LITERALLY MONTHS. All links are Amazon affiliate links that help keep the blog running. (Yes, the blog still has expenses, shocking I know.)

My apologies. If you’d like to keep up with my reading more regularly, you can find me on Goodreads.

Without further ado, my weird listing of 18 beautiful books that made my year better.

My Absolute Favorites

Usually my top 5 is 5 novels, or 4 novels and 1 memoir. This year there is nary a novel in sight. Who even am I? What can I say, these are the books that I simply cannot get over, that I still think about on a daily basis, that said something urgent and brilliant to me. In alphabetical order by author.

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee. Yup, I am starting off my list with a book of essays (warning: it’s not even the only book of essays on here, it’s a crazy year). Okay, I admit, this book has me squarely in its sights. It is calling me out. It is targeting me personally. So yes, I do happen to be chipping slowly away at a work of fiction that somewhat resembles my own story. And that does color my experience. But these lists are always subjective and at least I’m owning it. The thing is, I have seen this book work its way through the writers I know and love and it has taken every single one of them on their own journey and we are all better for it. Chee is not only a writer so good it pains you to know you will never be this good, his essays are also overflowing with empathy so you can’t even be mad at him about it. For anyone it’s a beautiful collection of writing. For writers it’s practically required reading, especially if you, like me, will never have the time or money to get formal training. This book is a $15 MFA. Buy it, underline it, treasure it.

Florida by Lauren Groff. I have read three novels by Lauren Groff and each time I like her a little more, but each time I also wonder a little bit if maybe she’s just not for me. Maybe it’s just one of those things, like when you go on a date with a perfectly nice person but there’s no chemistry. Fates and Furies even made it to my Best of 2015 list, thanks to its smart structural feats, though it was in the 11-20 tier. I had no plans to read Florida. I didn’t think a story collection from Groff would be something I’d enjoy. I thought it would be a little too smart in that way I always feel like she is but I’m not. But clearly I was wrong because it is my favorite fiction of the entire year. I adored these stories. And I adored what the collection did as a whole. It was just what I like, where you can see the ways in which the stories overlap each other or rub up against each other, but each of them is its own world. I don’t know that I’ve ever done a story collection on audio before, but I did this time and I was just addicted to it. It has so much to say about women and the constant threats of menace and anxiety and this moment in time.

Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon. Like the other two, this was such a clear “Best” that it wasn’t even a question. I have the deepest love and respect for a memoir that makes me rethink what a memoir can do and what it’s there for. (I suspect this is because I am a person who is fascinated by the narratives we create around our own lives.) And Heavy was one of those books. It’s written directly by Laymon to his mother, and much of the book addresses their complex relationship, full of hurt but also fierce love. And it considers how race impacted their world in both the biggest ways and the smallest, how his mother’s desire for him to be safe and whole led her to cause him mental and physical pain. But this isn’t just a book about family trauma, it’s about a lot more than that, including weight, body image, and addictions. It’s written in prose that seems so simple and straightforward but carries so much in it.

Definite Champions

Semiosis by Sue Burke. One of the backlist titles I particularly enjoyed this year was a book called Children of Time and I found myself desperately wanting to read something just like it when a smart mutual suggested this book. It was even better than I’d hoped, a book that checked all my boxes. It’s a science-fiction novel about a colony of idealists going off to a new planet with very specific plans for the kind of society they want to form. As you can guess, it doesn’t exactly go according to plan. Not only do you get all the human interplay and drama that I love, you also get lots of fun botany! (Good science-fiction can make any science fun, even plant science which I usually find to be a complete snooze fest. But alien plants are AMAZE.) It also jumps through a large section of time, letting you see both small changes within chapters and large ones between them. So satisfying and a book I wish more people would read.

Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi. The only Young Adult book on my list this year, there’s usually one that sneaks in and I was surprised that it was this one but very pleased.  I loved so many things about this book. I loved Penny, who is not just “a prickly YA protagonist” in that way that they aren’t really all that prickly just kind of scowly, Penny is actually prickly and sulky and kind of hates everyone and I loved her. Yes, she wears all black and she has the specific bands she’s into blah blah blah, she has a very specific set of anxieties and you really get to see them in everything about her. There is a guy, because of course, and Penny connects with him over text. The book explores the very now-phenomenon of how you can get to know a person over text in a way that you can’t always replicate in real life. Sam, her love interest, may be kind of a manic pixie dream guy, but while he is clearly a good person he makes lots of terrible romantic decisions. I loved watching these two weirdos get to know each other.

Washington Black by Esi Edugyan. A historical adventure novel! Another surprise on my list, since historical novels and adventure novels are usually not so much my thing. But Edugyan pulls off a particularly impressive feat: she tells a story with a slave protagonist that tackles complex, modern issues on race. This book feels so modern while also letting you play around across several continents, including major plot points with octopi and dirigibles. A real stunner.

Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi. Perhaps the most complex and interesting novel I read this year, Emezi’s autobiographical tale explores gender through the Igbo concept of the ogbanje, a trickster spirit. Emezi takes this and looks at it her own way, fusing gender identity, mental health, and myth to create her character of Ada, who is the central body but not the central character of the book. As she grows, the different selves within her struggle for power over her, and as she experiences trauma and pain, her selves allow her to cope and shift to get through it. It’s a fascinating story and I’m excited to see what’s next from Emezi.

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza. I love stories about family and religion and the clashes the two together can cause, so this book was squarely in my wheelhouse. It also has multiple points of view, a structure that jumps through time, and has significant character shifts. This book was made for me in a lab, I swear. The drama here may be small, it may be just one family, but it feels epic, Shakespearean even. One Muslim family revolves around Amar, the only son, who is estranged from the rest of the family when we meet him at the beginning of the book. We trace the story backwards and forwards, to see where the rift came from and how it impacts all the characters in different ways. I love how Mirza loves all her characters, how she respects their beliefs or lack thereof, how tenderly she depicts them all. I cried so hard at the end of this book.

Circe by Madeline Miller. So many people got on board with this book that I succumbed to it solely through peer pressure. I don’t do a lot of fairy tale or myth retellings, I hadn’t read Miller’s previous book about Achilles. It seemed like it might be stuffy. But oh this book was great, even if your memory of Greek myths is very fuzzy, there’s a lot of joy here. (Although technically I think I love The Song of Achilles, which I read right after Circe, just a little bit more. It’s so gay and wonderful!) The feminist retelling is turning into its own genre, but Miller is so subtle and smart that it never feels like work, it’s just a hell of a pageturner.

There There by Tommy Orange. I spent many months desperately hoping that this book would be a Big Thing and I was so pleased when it actually was. If there was one work of literary fiction that got the most buzz this year, it was this one and rightly so. This book is a set of connected stories about the Native (he uses the word “Indian) community in Oakland. Some are deeply connected to their Indian identity, others barely at all. There is no one way to be Native in the modern world and Orange gives us a tapestry of lives and families. It took me a little while to really get moving in this world, but once I had the momentum I couldn’t stop.

Red Clocks by Leni Zumas. It was a big year for feminist dystopias but this was the one that really got me. It’s set in the very near future and follows several women after the US has outlawed abortion and IVF, giving full personhood to embryos. The best near-future books are ones where you see exactly how this world came to be and it feels eerily close to real life, and Zumas passes with flying colors. It’s both mesmerizing and terrifying. All the women in this book have lives centered around female reproduction in some way, and seeing everything from pregnancy to abortion to parenting in this world lets you see just how massive the consequences of the smallest restrictions on women’s reproductive freedom are. Also it’s just a riveting novel with impeccably drawn characters that I got totally addicted to and I’m a sucker for a vagina-cover.

Memorable and Worthwhile

Give Me Your Hand by Megan Abbott. Megan Abbott is the most reliable thriller writer out there, every new book is a joy. This one is one of her best. As always, it’s centered around women’s experiences, this time with two former best friends who end up in the same research lab.

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou. The most unputdownable book of the year. The most bizarre and ridiculous stories of the year. I have some nitpicks with Carreyrou but I can’t deny that this book is so readable that it feels like it wasn’t even written, just piped directly into your brain.

All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir by Nicole Chung. A beautiful, moving memoir about transracial adoption that will speak to you deeply about family and identity whether or not you’re an adoptee.

The Witch Elm by Tana French. If you know me you know how much I love Tana French and her first standalone is the slowest of burns, but it sure burns. I listened to it obsessively while stuck inside during a hurricane and I couldn’t get enough of it.

Force of Nature by Jane Harper. One of the most enjoyable mysteries of the year, about a corporate retreat gone awry and I won’t give you anything else so you can read it cold.

This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America by Morgan Jerkins. The second (!!) book of essays on this list, if you’re a white person in particular I think there’s a lot to get out of this book that doesn’t center your experience and isn’t written for you. Also if you assume books of essays are boring and dull, think again.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones. Discovering Tayari Jones this year was a real treat, she writes novels with complex relationships and characters who are never simple. I also highly recommend her previous novel, Silver Sparrow, which I think may be my favorite.

Sunburn by Laura Lippman. If James M. Cain was alive and a woman, this is the kind of book she would write. A twisty neo-noir thriller about a woman with a hidden past that leans into noir tropes and turns them on their head.

 

This list is already rather long or I’d throw in some honorable mentions because there were that many great books this year.

What were your favorite 2018 reads?

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Winter and Spring 2018 Books

May 14, 2018 Leave a Comment

I have procrastinated my Seasonal Book post hard this year, my apologies. So instead of just being Winter books this is gonna be Winter/Spring combo and a double-long list. Hope the wait was worth it. All links are Amazon affiliate links, if you purchase through them I may get a small commission from the sale that helps the blog stay running. Books are listed from lightest to heaviest.

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland. The hook of this book is so solid that I probably don’t need to tell you much more than Civil War + Zombies. Before the end of the Civil War, a zombie uprising sets history on a different course. Instead of slavery there is now a caste system where society depends on Negro and Natives trained to kill zombies. Jane has the opportunity to move up in the world as a personal bodyguard for well-off white women, but the threat of zombies doesn’t seem quite as horrible as the threat of the white people she’s supposed to protect. There is so much meat to dive into here, it’s cultural-commentary-as-thrill-ride. Oh, and it’s a young adult novel you can give to your teenagers.

The Merry Spinster by Mallory (Daniel) Ortberg. If you were a reader of The Toast you don’t need me to tell you how delightful Ortberg’s writing is. But even as someone who isn’t always interested in twists on fairy tales, I was charmed and intrigued by these stories. This is more than just playing with tropes or taking a modern view on an old story, this book has a cheeky glint in its eye… and very sharp teeth.

Whiskey & Ribbons by Leesa Cross-Smith. Equal parts romance and grief, this book follows new mother Evi, her husband Eamon, and Eamon’s best friend Dalton who has been tasked with taking care of Evi after Eamon’s unexpected death. Moving back and forth through time, we get to see Evi’s love story with her husband and her attempts to find love again with Dalton. It’s a sad book but it’s also warm and full of real emotions and characters. A good pick for a book club or a beach.

Force of Nature by Jane Harper. This has been one of my go-to recommendations this year for readers who like crime novels. It’s such a big crowdpleasing, satisfying book, I have no doubt that pretty much all readers can enjoy it. I liked Harper’s first novel, The Dry, but I felt like she had some unused potential. Here she took it up a notch and I’m so pleased. (You don’t really need to read the first book, while the same detective is at the center of both books, his story isn’t the center.) Set in the Australian forest, a group of executives go on a retreat where they hike together through the woods. But when they return they’re missing one hiker. Great use of flashbacks, strong characters, such a solid book.

Jagannath by Karin Tidbeck. I encountered Tidbeck for the first time last year with her novel Amatka. She’s not a new writer, she’s been writing in Sweden for years and we’re just catching up. (She translated this book herself!) This story collection reminded me a lot of Kelly Link and Carmen Maria Machado but with a distinctly Scandinavian feel. They’re fantastic, surrealist, and surprising.

Sunburn by Laura Lippman. I have read a lot of Lippman’s crime novels but I think this may be the best one she’s written. This is old school noir with a feminist twist, with a twisty plot peppered with reveals and a heaping helping of character to add some real depth. There isn’t one puzzle here, but three. What happened, what happens now, and who are these characters really? A great pick for fans of the unlikable female protagonist (you know I’m one of them!), shades of Gone Girl without the plot twist whiplash.

The Pisces by Melissa Broder. This is one that I loved, but it’s going to be a divisive one. Not just because our protagonist Lucy is stuck in a self-destructive spiral that’s painful to watch, but I expect a lot of people won’t like the very frank, very detailed sex scenes. (Both of these are big pluses for me.) But we haven’t even gotten to the central story yet: of a woman who recovers from a bad breakup by falling for a merman. (I would say it’s a spoiler, but the cover gives it away.) This book is prickly and unique and stuck in its own head and it was a delight.

The Perfect Nanny by Leila Slimani. Another divisive book! I saw this on bookshelves for months but had to wait to get it on hold from the library. I was expecting a twisty thriller and that is not what I got. Instead this is a book about a woman who commits a truly horrible crime against the children she’s paid to care for (in the very first chapter, so don’t pick this up if you’re not up for it) that then wonders how such a thing could possibly happen. Instead of feeling ripped from the headlines, it feels meditative and thoughtful, taking all the tricky things about wealthy people hiring poor people to watch their children and not looking away.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones. You’ve probably heard about this book already, but if you haven’t gotten it to it yet, I encourage you to move it to the front of the line. If you have a book club, this is such a perfect choice: not too long, a quick read, full of interesting characters, and complex emotional issues you can pick apart for hours. I highly encourage avoiding even the most basic synopsis on this one, even the jacket copy spoils some of the major plot elements that are best approached cold. Just take my word for it on this one. And if you won’t take mine, take Oprah’s.

This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America by Morgan Jerkins. I don’t often read books of essays but I’m starting to get into them more when they’re by authors I already enjoy. I’ve read a few of Jerkins’ essays before this book and I was intrigued. In the collection, Jerkins shows a willingness to interrogate herself and her experiences that I rarely see in writers of personal essays and memoir. What was most noteworthy to me about this book is its efforts to center black women as its audience. As a white reader I’m used to being the default reader and it’s refreshing to go outside of that experience and understand Morgan and her point of view as a black woman better.

Speak No Evil by Uzodinma Iweala. Iweala rose to fame as the author of Beasts of No Nation and he goes in a very different direction with his new novel. Niru is a star student and athlete in his senior year of high school near DC, the son of successful Nigerian immigrants. When Niru realizes he’s gay, he knows his very religious parents will reject him and he’s desperate to keep his sexual orientation a secret until he can get away to college. His secret will become bigger than Niru could have possibly anticipated. We still don’t have many novels about queer characters, and most of the ones we have are about cis gay white men, so stories like this are still vitally important.

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee. If you, like me, actually are writing a semi-autobiographical novel, then this is a run-do-not-walk situation. If you’re any kind of a writer, especially one who writes personal essays, then same. In these essays, Chee explores the writing of his own autobiographical novel Edinburgh, his training in writing, and pushes his own limits of identity (in particular with respect to family, race, and gender). It is the kind of writing that makes you kind of hate the writer for being this good. (No really, how is it allowed?)

Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi. This is one of the most exciting debuts of the year, hands down. Emezi uses Igbo mythology and religious traditions to bring a new lens to existing in the modern world. The protagonist, Ada, is an ogbanje, a person with several selves/spirits in their body. But to me, Emezi didn’t feel like she was creating magical realism, instead it felt very literal. She is able to use these several selves to understand how people react to trauma, how we protect parts of ourselves, and how we build new selves. It’s challenging and utterly singular.

Girls Burn Brighter by Shobha Rao. This is at the very bottom of the darkness scale, and please believe me when I say that this book is harrowing. It is not for the weak hearted. But it has many rewards for the reader who is willing to get to the end. Poornima and Savitha meet as girls in India and instantly become connected in the kind of way that is more than friendship, something more akin to romantic love. They are soulmates. But in the strict system they live in, they don’t have power over their destinies. When they are separated, Poornima leaves everything behind on a years-long journey to find her friend.

What are your favorite books of 2018 so far?

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What We’ve Been Reading Aloud

April 10, 2018 2 Comments

Before I had kids I always had a picture in my mind that looked exactly like one of the illustrations in my copy of Little Women. Marmie on her chair, the girls all around, as she read. I always knew we’d read aloud even after the kids could read themselves and it’s been a nice way for us to spend a little time together. And, let’s be honest, it lets me impose a little bit of my own taste on the kids, which is nice since I leave the rest of their reading completely in their hands.

Reading together has taught me a lot. Just because I remember something fondly doesn’t mean it holds up. And it’s hard to predict what my kids will like that’s also fun for me to read.

This list isn’t as diverse as I would like, but we have at least got a lot of gender parity. So that’s something. (I would love recommendations for middle grade readalouds from authors of color in the comments!) Presented in reverse order of how recently we’ve read them. Links are to Amazon, purchasing through them helps support the blog.

The Vanderbeekers of 141st Street by Karina Yan Glaser. Vanderbeekers is delightfully old school, with big enough issues to feel weighty but light and sweet enough that you never finish a chapter actually feeling sad. The Vanderbeeker family has two parents, five kids, a dog, a cat, and a bunny who live together in half of a brownstone in Harlem, but when their lease isn’t renewed the kids team up to figure out how to convince their hermetic landlord on the top floor to give them a chance. The kids range from twelve-year-old twins Jessie and Isa to adorable five-year-old Laney, with rambunctious Oliver and thoughtful Hyacinth inbetween, there’s a kid in the Vanderbeeker clan for every personality. This is a family that always loves each other and looks out for each other, it’s heartwarming and warm as one of Mrs. Vanderbeeker’s freshly made cookies.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle. I wasn’t sure if the kids would want to see the movie, but I figured the book wouldn’t take us too long. I tried to read this when I was Graham’s age and really struggled with it, but it works just fine when read aloud. (It’s a surprisingly high reading level for a relatively simple story.) The book is more weird and unusual than you remember, more frustrating and slow, but the kids never seemed phased by it. It helps that it’s barely over 200 pages, we got through it faster than most books. By the end they decided that they were interested in the movie, which they liked even more. Graham peppered me with commentary on what was different, and Tessa was so hyped about being a “warrior.” Overall a great experience.

The Wild Robot by Peter Brown. This is one of the books that did the best job of engaging the kindergartener in the room. The Wild Robot has a long arc, but it doesn’t use a traditional structure. It has short chapters and sometimes there will be a shorter story that takes place over three or five or ten chapters. Roz the robot wakes up after the boat carrying her crashed to find herself the only robot on an island full of animals. Roz doesn’t know what she is or how much of anything works, so she gradually learns the ways of the world, eventually becoming foster mother to a gosling. For a book where animals can speak (albeit in their own languages), this is more realistic than you’d expect. Animals die in the ways animals often do, and winter brings with it constant threats. But the kids really got into this book and we’re also loving the sequel, The Wild Robot Escapes, that just came out. And reading in a robot voice is just fun.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsburg. This was a big nostalgia pick for me, I bought my copy when I was in college because I was so determined to read it to my hypothetical children. In the present day I realized that the concept of wanting to run away from a house full of kids that spoke to me so much when I first read it was totally foreign to my kids. I remembered that Claudia was a prickly protagonist, and I definitely remembered correctly. It took the kids a little while to warm up to this one, and the reading level is high so it might have gone better if I’d waited another year. Still, for me, I like to intersperse nostalgia fests when I read to the kids. I want to enjoy it, too! And this one really hit the spot. Like so many books I read as a kid, they are enjoyed the most when you slow down and read them out loud. If you have an amazing art or history museum nearby, you should make a visit as a tie-in.

Ophelia and the Marvelous Boy by Karen Foxlee. We were recommended this book and I was amazed at how quickly the kids got into it. It is fairy-tale-esque, a little scary, and takes place in a large museum full of things, many of which are described in great detail. Because the setting was such a big part of the early chapters, I was worried, but I think the tone really won the day. As a reader I loved it, it was a lush experience, the language and the story gave me so much to enjoy. This is called a retelling of The Snow Queen but it’s an homage at best, which is fine by me. Note: dead mother.

Gooney Bird Greene series by Lois Lowry. When we moved we were looking for books about being the new kid in class and a bookseller recommended this one. This was a great read for younger kids (Kindergarten through second grade), which is tricky when so many chapter books are for older kids, so we just kept reading book after book. Gooney Bird is the actual name of the main character of the book, a new girl with a big personality, who is partial to purposely mismatched outfits and tells stories that couldn’t possibly be true, could they? But these books are about the whole class, all kinds of kids that may remind your kids of people they know. Each book also tackles a particular skill. The first book, appropriately, is about how to tell a story, another one was about geography, another tackled the human body. We didn’t quite read in order, just took what was at the library, and got through several before we moved on to other tales. Really light and funny.

All the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary. The first and most effective of our nostalgia-fests. With a kindergartener or first grader you’ve got a decent shot. I was worried the first book, Beezus and Romana, the only one where older Beezus is the main character, wouldn’t fly but I’m glad we read it. The kids were fine with it and I remembered fondly how much I loved Beezus growing up. (I was so mad when the rest of the books were about Ramona.) But the thing about these books is that even if you are hugely familiar with them as a child, they are a whole new world as an adult. You will see the Quimby family totally differently. All the things you remember are still there, but all the things that you don’t remember are even better. What kid really pays attention to the parents in a book? But wow, this was a turnaround that hit me right in the feelings. I could feel all the things that Ramona felt, but as a parent I could see a whole other level, too. I won’t lie, I cried more than once. We read the whole series. (You can skip the last book if you want to, it’s not as good as the rest.) It took us ages but I wouldn’t take back a minute of it.

We’re always looking for new reads, so please share what’s worked for your kids (and for you!) in the comments. You can continue to follow along with our reading on my Goodreads Read Aloud shelf.

Tagged With: books, parenting 2 Comments

The Realist’s Guide to Planning a Disney World Vacation

February 6, 2018 1 Comment

At first I thought there was no reason for me to write anything about our trip to Disney. There are so many resources out there with exhaustive amounts of information on Disney run by people who know the park far better than me. Those sites can help you with a lot of your logistics, but I wanted to write about actually getting through the trip with kids and with your sanity intact.

Our Disney trip was mostly for the kids (I’ve been plenty of times, they’d never been) but I also wanted to have a good time. I didn’t want us dissolving in meltdowns and tantrums, I wanted some quality family time. We were really successful so I thought I’d share some of what I learned along the way that is less about our specific plans and more about the kind of guiding principles to use while you plan to make your trip really enjoyable. Planning this kind of trip can feel overwhelming, especially with all the new bells and whistles, but you can do it and you can have fun.

The Things They Don’t Tell You

Let’s take just a minute to be thankful for all the Disney websites.

That said, think about where you are on the scale of Disney obsession. If we make it a scale from 1 to 10 I’m at about a 6, with a long history of going to parks, family connections to them, and a lot of nostalgia. To run a Disney website, you’ve got to be at least a 9, which is not a bad thing. But it means you’ll have a different set of priorities and opinions. If you’re a 3 or a 4, where you’re really just there for the kids, you need to take a lot of what these sites say with a grain of salt.

Even the budget sites I looked at still recommended staying on property, even though you can find places to stay off site that are nicer rooms at half the price. Because for a 10 on the Disney Scale, being on property is almost always going to be worth it. So make sure you go into your reading and researching with an estimate of how many grains of salt you’ll need to add to what you read.

So let’s run through the parts of your trip that may be not so magical:

  • The food. Sure, Disney can be a very fancy destination for foodies… if you’ve got the cash. But I wasn’t going to spend over $30 a plate at all, not to mention every day. That leaves you with a lot of very mediocre food. I chose our hotel partly because of the food court and all the options it provided, but after we went once we never went back. It was not good. You can find some good food at a reasonable price (we did!) but you’ll need to do research. TripAdvisor and Yelp are useful.
  • The bus. Oh lord, the bus. Over and over sites would tell me how the bus transportation would make my life easier and simpler. As a long time resident of a major urban center where I used public transit every day, I was happy to do it. Except this was like riding the bus to work with a bunch of people who have never ridden a bus in their lives. Plus a lot of cranky toddlers. And 5 double strollers. And that’s after it comes, a few times we had over half an hour sitting and waiting with no information on when a bus would be there.
  • Lines. There will be a lot of lines. A lot. We went on the off season and we still only walked on to rides a couple of times the whole trip.
  • Crowds. Again, we went on the off season and there were still people everywhere. And all the people have giant strollers or scooters.
  • Privacy. You will have none of it. On our third day, I was in the shower for around a half hour because I was just so happy to be by myself.
  • On Property Hotels. You are paying for the “convenience” of the bus system (okay, the airport bus and airline check in on site is pretty sweet) and the theming of the property itself. Your hotel room will not be as nice as your average Hampton Inn. (To be fair, I do love a Hampton Inn.) It was pretty darn tiny. I could hear every toilet that flushed in our entire building all night long even though I wore earplugs. Our pool was just fine, but it was busy even on a day with a high of 77 during the off season. I can’t imagine summer.
  • Kids Meals. I’m shocked I didn’t run into a Disney Kids’ Meals rant during my research. If you are okay with your kids eating chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for every meal for your entire trip, then you’re set. Otherwise you’re going to have to do some deep research (and possibly spend more money) to find healthier options that won’t break the bank.
  • Inflated prices. Disney is going for dollars, we all know it. Budget accordingly.
  • Other people. While plenty of people are thrilled to be at Disney (and hopefully you are, too) but you’ll be surrounded by people having a not-great day and having it quite loudly. They may be next to you in line or at the next table at dinner or the next seat on the bus. You’re gonna need some grace.

Now that we’ve run through that, let’s talk through how to manage it.

Sorry we are too busy having fun to take selfies of all the fun we are having.

A post shared by Jessica Woodbury (@jessicaesquire) on Jan 29, 2018 at 2:18pm PST

Know Yourself

Ah yes, the old put your own oxygen mask on first rule. If your kids are going to have a good time, you need to be happy and comfortable. So think about the things you need for that!

For this trip I wanted a lot of convenience. It would be the kids’ first time to the park and my first time bringing kids. Going as an adult gives me a lot of flexibility and I knew there may be some unexpected issues with kids. I chose to stay on property because I wanted to simplify the experience, get all the perks, and see how they did. I hoped that taking some of the work off my shoulders would help me relax. This was pretty successful!

I also didn’t want to worry about money on this trip. I did all of that before we left. I started saving a year before our trip, which gave me time to make sure I had all our costs covered and then some. We didn’t do a dining plan, so I left for the park with money set aside for our meals and other purchases. I used my Simple card as I was saving to keep our “fun money” separate from our everyday budget. I connected my card to my MagicBand so I could leave my wallet and purse behind.

Even if we could have managed a Disney trip financially before now, I wouldn’t have gone because I know me. Stroller life is not my life. There was no way I’d set foot in the parks until both kids could manage the walking on their own.

I also know that I don’t like to be spontaneous but I do like to be flexible. I hate HATE spending time after a ride debating what to ride next. I had a basic itinerary for each day before we left and then each night we’d talk it through so we were all on the same page. We left plenty of room for changes, but mostly this helped us keep from walking back and forth across the park constantly. The kids are pretty good about letting me set an itinerary or letting me set out some options they can choose from. This worked well for us on site.

Know Your Kids

This is going to be a lot for any kid. It’s also going to be a lot of delayed gratification. There are a lot of things they would like to have where you will say no. Even if you spoil your kid at Disney, there will always be another thing they want around the corner.

Have a plan about what you’ll say yes to and talk about it with your kids in advance. The whole time we were planning this trip, I was also talking to the kids about how we were saving our money for Disney World, so when they wanted to go to the arcade or the trampoline place I’d remind them that our extra money was going to our trip. Before we went to Disney World I told them that they were able to pick out something within a specific price range. I also told them they could have one treat each day. For my kids it was a good balance of special treats and knowing in advance what they were going to get so they could plan accordingly.

Set a basic schedule and build in recharge times. We had a plan to make the first day the longest, with a short second day, and a late start with a lazy morning on day 3. We ended up sticking to it pretty well and we talked it through ahead of time.

Know whether your kids are able to effectively gauge their own level of energy. If they aren’t, you’ll need to keep tabs on them and look for signs of fatigue. Graham is great at speaking up for himself and each day he was able to let me know when he was done. But my kids are “let’s go to bed early tonight” kids when they’re tired, so I could trust them to make that decision. If your kids aren’t that type, you’ll need to keep your eyes on them and give them advance warnings of how much longer/how many more rides.

Know how you’re going to use discipline. We all need to use threats or rewards for good behavior, know what you want those to be. In the heat of the annoyed moment it’s easy to throw out a “Stop it or we’re all leaving right now,” and that’s fine if you’re actually willing to stick to it and everything that goes along with that. It may end up being worse for you than it is for your now-tantruming kid. For Tessa it was pretty easy: her birthday pin was her ticket to a free dessert at every meal and dessert is basically the thing she cares about most in the world. Getting to wear her birthday pin meant she had to keep whining to a minimum and it was a pretty effective incentive.

If your kid is eligible for a disability pass, make sure you’ve read up on it in advance and have a plan. For us it was about avoiding anxiety that can build up the longer we wait in line. Being able to do that waiting out of line made it much easier for Graham to get through the day and avoid a worry spiral. We still waited in shorter lines to help the kids work on their waiting skills. The first day we had to get used to planning around that built in wait time, but by the second day we were much better at it.

Single parent note: The park is not easy for single parents with more than one kid. It’s a tall order to ask another adult to come with you, but I would definitely consider it, especially for younger children. Kids under 7 cannot go on a ride alone, so if you have two kids under 7 it’s going to limit what you can do, especially if kids disagree on what they want to ride.

A post shared by Jessica Woodbury (@jessicaesquire) on Jan 30, 2018 at 4:11pm PST

Do Your Research

Look, I wish I could say you don’t have to research this trip. I wish I could say you can just wing it. But your kids are going to be overwhelmed and unpredictable and you need as much control over the situation as you can.

If you haven’t used the new app and FastPass system, I recommend reading up on it. It’s significantly harder to figure it out in the park than it is in advance. I don’t love this system, you shouldn’t have to be booking specific rides so early, but in the end it was one less thing to worry about when we were there. Even if you’re only booking those FastPasses the day before, I’d still recommend booking them ahead. By the time we could get more at around 4pm, all the good rides were booked for the day. For rides where you can’t use a FastPass but that have a long wait, try going right at the very beginning of the day, during parades when crowds go down, or in the evening when families with small kids have headed home.

Don’t take advice blindly. I did some crowdsourcing while I was planning because I was worried that I wasn’t ready for a visit with kids. I wanted wisdom from friends who went regularly. It turns out I took hardly anyone’s advice. Ultimately I realized that other people’s trip priorities aren’t mine, and we were definitely operating on different budgets. Other people’s “can’t live without” things were my “why would I do that?” things. It turns out that I was pretty darn ready. I just had to trust myself.

I knew food would be an issue for us since Graham is not a normal kids meal kid. I read every single menu for every single restaurant in every single park we visited and made notes in a Google doc to make sure my kid who won’t eat mac & cheese or hamburgers would have good options each day that also gave us adults food worth eating and would keep us within our budget. Did it take a long time? Yes. Did it pay off? Absolutely. It was much faster to check that google doc on my phone during the day than to pull up a bunch of different menus when we were hungry and hangry.

Be Prepared

The My Disney Experience app was incredibly helpful for us. It did stall a couple times when we tried to do something extra like book a dinner reservation or order food in advance, but otherwise everything was really smooth and I used it constantly during the day. It kept me from having to remember things like fast passes and meal reservations, it helps you plan by showing wait times, and it comes in handy in a pinch if you’re looking for bathrooms nearby.

Don’t forget things to keep your kids happy outside the parks. We brought card games for evenings back in the hotel and plenty of activities for the airplane.

Make a packing list. If you’re going to be going without a rental car, you’ll be hard pressed to get anything you forget. I kept a memo on my phone that I added to for a few weeks before we left whenever I thought of something new. I knew exactly what I’d be putting in the small bag I’d take into the park (phone, extra battery, collapsible water bottle, mini sunscreen, TableTopics cards to use in line, snacks) and I even managed to get to Orlando WITHOUT FORGETTING TO PACK ANYTHING. It is an actual miracle. (I did forget to turn the heat off while we were gone, though. Perils of leaving home at 5 a.m. with kids.) If you do need stuff and don’t have a car, Orlando does have Amazon Prime Now service, we had several groceries delivered to our hotel.

What We’re Doing Differently Next Time

First off, hooray for a next time! As a Disney lover I was hoping the kids would have a great time. And since they do well in situations where they are familiar with things and can think them through in advance, I knew that for any vacations the ideal spot is somewhere they have visited before. It’ll also give them the chance to have that pre-trip excitement when you know what’s coming. I checked in with them regularly to see how they felt, we talked through once again that this would mean saving our money to come back, and they agreed that it would be worth it.

For the kids everything worked out really well. But I struggled with the crowds, the food, the buses, etc. The kids didn’t enjoy the hotel experience so much that I feel like we have to repeat it. And the thing I wanted most during our trip was to get us all out of one small hotel room together. We’ll be staying off property next time. We can probably get a 3 bedroom house to rent for around half the price of our hotel. I’ll have to add the price of a rental car and on site parking, but the privacy and space will be well worth it and it’ll still be cheaper overall. It’ll give us easier access to off-site food and even the ability to cook in our own kitchen. It’ll be a longer drive in, but I’m not sure it’ll be that much longer since we won’t have to wait for an unpredictable bus.

Initially Graham wanted a longer trip. Ours was only 3 days in the park with some extra time on site before and after since our flight there was early in the morning and our flight out was late in the afternoon. But ultimately we were all beat after 3 days and agreed that we don’t need any more. Even though we never made it more than 8 hours in the park at a time. Every site I visited made it sound like anything less than 5 days wasn’t even worth the trip. (Again, those grains of salt.)

This trip my Mom was kind enough to come with us. I knew Graham would struggle with being alone on rides where only two riders could sit together. But now that he’s experienced and feels more confident, he won’t need the support on the next trip. Having an extra adult was great, we could split up for rides and end the day at different times. But it’s a huge ask to have someone join you on a vacation that’s on your schedule rather than theirs and comes at significant expense. For next year we may see if friends or family are interested in joining, but we’re not going to add more kids to the crew (I’m trying to diminish the chaos next time, remember?) and we’re going to plan as if we don’t get any additional companions so that we’re ready for that scenario. Plus, with car rentals included we’d all need to come and go at the same time which removes one of the major bonuses of having an extra adult.

A post shared by Jessica Woodbury (@jessicaesquire) on Jan 31, 2018 at 5:43pm PST

I’d love to hear what you learned from planning a Disney World vacation, especially any tips to help us pick a vacation rental for next year! What did I leave out and how was your experience the same or different?

We paid for this trip and all the trappings out of our own pockets, no sponsorships here.

Tagged With: parenting 1 Comment

Best Books of 2017

December 7, 2017 2 Comments

It was kind of a weird reading year for me. Usually by now my Best Of list has over 20 books on it and I have to pick and choose what I include. At first I only had 15 Best picks and 2 honorable mentions. But even though I spend basically all year marinating on the list, a few books called out to me all day and I realized that they should really be on this list and I sat down and redid just about everything below 10. 1-10 gets cemented pretty clearly in my brain but below that I was leaving out some great books. So here is my longer, better list.

Presented below in alphabetical order by title.

1-5

Exit West by Mohsin Hamid. A delicate and sure modern, surreal fable of immigration and the search for home.

Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay. One of the most affecting memoirs I’ve ever read, it’ll change the way you look at the world. Gay wants to show us what it is like to exist today as a fat woman.

Ill Will by Dan Chaon. An unsettling thriller that examines the perils of masculinity and obsession, with a side of Satanic Panic from the 80’s for extra fun.

A Kind of Freedom by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton. This is one of the big below-the-radar books this year that I want to tell everyone about. I almost missed it myself. A gripping story of optimism, class mobility, and loss through three generations of a New Orleans family.

Sing, Unburied Sing by Jesmyn Ward. Technically my #1 for this year, it was a pretty clear choice for me. This book is a mashup of The Odyssey and Toni Morrison that’s haunting and complex.

6-10

Amatka by Karin Tidbeck. Scandinavian bleakness meets surreal speculative fiction. This was my first novel by Tidbeck and it was inventive in a way I found incredibly exciting. I definitely need to read more of her.

The Fact of a Body: A Murder and a Memoir by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich. Thanks to the publicist who sent me a hand-written card telling me exactly why I should read this book. I usually avoid true crime, but this one is affecting and heartwrenching.

The Hole by Hye-Young Pyun. My only real regret this year is not re-reading this sly, smart horror novel from Korea. It reminded me of Shirley Jackson in the way it crept up on me. Another under-the-radar read I recommend you track down.

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie. Muslim, politics, and terrorism collide in this novel, which made me a little hesitant to read it, but it works so well. This isn’t a hot button issue thriller or a lofty theoretical analysis, but a story that’s rooted in everyday life and families.

White Tears by Hari Kunzru. A trip of a horror novel about hipsters, racism, appropriation, and music. This was one of the most exciting and bizarre books I read this year and that’s a huge compliment.

11-15

Chemistry by Weike Wang. This is one of those books that has spent months living in my head and growing there. At first it felt like it was keeping me at a distance, but eventually I got so close to the failed grad student at its center that I don’t think I’ll ever quite lose her.

Difficult Women by Roxane Gay. A powerful and affecting story collection that showcases Gay’s agility and her uncanny knack of making you feel seen and understood. I saw real experiences here I have never seen in a book before.

Marlena by Julie Buntin. If you enjoy books about obsessive teenage female friendships, this is one of the best ones I’ve read. But beware, the chills of the small town in Michigan where it’s set may get into your bones.

No One Can Pronounce My Name by Rakesh Satyal. This book makes me smile whenever I think of it. While it certainly belongs in the larger category of immigrant stories, these are the stories of the immigrants who don’t fit into their communities and how they find their identity.

The Refugees by Viet Thanh Nguyen. A moving and affecting story collection that’s a strong follow-up to Nguyen’s debut, The Sympathizer, one of my favorite books of 2016.

16-20

Everything Belongs to Us by Yoojin Grace Wuertz. How class affects the friendship of a group of college students. Set in the social and political upheaval of 1970’s South Korea.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas. The big YA book of the year is also worth the buzz. I was skeptical after hearing all the accolades but it measures up. It’s a book teens (and plenty of adults) should read.

Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds. A one-sitting YA novel written in verse about family, poverty, and cycles of violence that never feels preachy and packs a big punch.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. A last minute addition thanks to a few late recommendations. A bubble bath of a book about old Hollywood that’s an excellent treat yourself read.

The Wanderers by Meg Howrey. The astronauts for the first mission to Mars embark on a 17-month training mission. It’s a novel about scientists, something I love, and a novel about what it’s like to be in a family with someone who’s always willing to leave you behind for Outer Space.

 

Honorable Mentions

Borne by Jeff Vandermeer.

Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado.

Human Acts by Han Kang.

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert.

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee.

 

I have spent a lot of the year feeling like I didn’t have as many best books as usual, but when I made this list I realized that there have been books I left off that may not have hit me immediately upon reading them, but that snuck up on me and ended up getting lodged firmly in my brain. So it was better than I thought.

I meant to do a whole re-reading project this year but only made it a few books in. It’s hard for me to do anything prolonged. (Which may be why the 5th Patrick Melrose book has been sitting on my bed, untouched, for a few weeks.) But the first book I re-read was easily one of my best reading experiences this year. It was the new audio version of The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, a book I hadn’t read since it came out. I was worried the audio wouldn’t work because it’s such a dense book, turns out it’s better on audio, you finally get to feel the rhythm in the prose. My other biggest backlist standout was also audio (in fact, all of the backlist titles I’m mentioning here were audiobooks), True Grit by Charles Portis, which is a nearly perfect book with my new favorite first person narrator. I also caught up on a couple recent hits that I thought I would like but that it took me a while to get to: The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon, which is one of the most lovely and romantic YA novels I’ve ever read, and The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson, which made me concentrate pretty hard, but also made me think a lot about art and gender and parenthood.

There were easily 20 more new releases this year I could recommend without reservation. Little Fires Everywhere! This Is Just My Face! The Birdwatcher! And I wasn’t great at keeping up with releases this year, but you can always follow me on Goodreads to stay up to date on what I’m reading.

How did your year in reading go?

Tagged With: books 2 Comments

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@jessicaesquire

My Life’s a Mess and That’s Okay

Life gets messy. And so does my living room. I'm a single parent, a former lawyer, a big bookworm, a queer person, and an oversharer in the old school blog style.

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