Eric and I saw Cloverfield this weekend, a big monster/disaster movie. And afterwards I felt like we needed to have a talk. If a monster should ever attack Atlanta, we need some ground rules.
First, we both agree that I need to get out. I am not really the adventuresome type and I lack any monster-fighting skills. I’m not a fast runner, either. I am pretty much prime monster food. So the most important rule is that I must be taken to safety ASAP and that Eric must make sure this happens.
Second, if Eric wants to go back and be a hero to save someone, that’s his prerogative. But it had better be someone really important, not just some random person in trouble. And he cannot do any saving until he has complied with Rule #1.
Third, if for some reason I forget about Rules 1 and 2, should I ever say, “I’m going with you,” for whatever crazy thing someone intends to do in the middle of a monster attack, Eric must immediately respond, “No, you’re not,” and comply with Rule #1.
These rules will all continue to apply if the monster attack happens in a different city or while we are on vacation or any other such thing. So if you have been thinking you may need someone to save you in case of a monster attack, you may want to make sure you solidify your plans now. Because Eric has obligations.