It takes so little to activate my neuroses. As long as you know what you’re doing.
I don’t have much in the way of girl skills. You know, hair, make-up, clothes, general cute-ness. So I spent a couple decades throwing my hair back, wearing little make-up, making it through each day in jeans and a nondescript tee, and just not caring about my general cute-ness.
But since I decided to let my curly hair do its thing, I am faced with hair. So much hair. So big. All the hairs. Hairs everywhere.
You guys it’s frightening.
See? I warned you.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Jessica, that wasn’t at all frightening. You are acting like a crazy person. You just look like a person who has curly hair.
And you are right. But I am not USED to it. So to me I look like me with a big frizzy animal on top of my head.
But the thing is that when I’m not looking at myself in the mirror and freaking out, I dig the fact that my hair is down, that I have a different look, that it draws some attention away from my ridiculously chubby cheeks.
I’m also starting to put more effort in on the style front. I don’t get to do much shopping, but when I do I select pieces carefully. I am buying more dresses and no tee-shirts. I wear jewelry, minimal but still. And I may even have a scarf on some days.
I’m also slowly working on the make-up front. Phyllis posted an article on drugstore make-up on Facebook, which sent me down a rabbit hole, and then had me obsessively looking at red lipsticks and thinking Hey, Taylor Swift can do it, why can’t I? and let’s just ignore the hilarity of that thought and move on.
So during my lunch break I went to Sephora and found myself a cheap red lipstick.
And now every time I look in the mirror I am freaking out. Red lipstick! Bright lipstick! Holy crap all the lipstick and the redness and the bright and bold color!
Yup, terrifying stuff.
Though, to be fair, when I picked up Graham from school with my super red lips (although they’re actually kinda pink, otherwise it tends to look orange-y against my pink-ish skin) he stopped and said, “Mom, how did your lips turn?” I explained I got a new lipstick. He told his friend, “Hey, what do you think of my mom’s lips? She got a new lipstick.” So it’s definitely noticeable. Mission bold lips was for sure accomplished. If I had a baby would they have recognized me?
But still, not such a bad thing, right? Getting outside my comfort zone, doing something that I don’t do every single day. I have to keep telling myself that.
I’ve started instagramming when I get self-conscious like this. Because if I just come out and say, “I know I look normal but I don’t FEEL like I look normal,” it somehow helps. And I have faith that my friends would jump in and say, “OH HONEY NO,” if I really didn’t look normal.
Now, if you don’t mind, me, my giant hair and my clown lips have things to do.