Backwards and Forwards

I admit, I like manufactured milestones. I like taking the turning of a new year to take some time to stop and look. 

Last year I started on a low note. I knew I could only move ahead so far. It wasn’t a great year, but it was a year of progress. 

There were plenty of steps forward, a decent amount of steps back, but overall I came out ahead. 

To me, the biggest sign of change is that last year I felt so adrift and unsure of everything that I couldn’t think about moving forward. It’s hard to do when you don’t know which direction to go. This year I’ve got direction, goals, and even plans. 

I still don’t feel great about where I am. I still feel like there’s so much ahead of me that it can feel difficult to know where to start. But I feel pretty sure I’m past the worst of it, which was something I couldn’t say last year. 

I’m on the way up.

And that’s the word of the year I’ve chosen for 2015.

up 2015

I know the exercise of finding a word of the year can seem a little silly or trite. But doing it requires you to spend some time thinking about where you’re going and what it means. 

Up occurred to me while I was brainstorming and I kept finding myself thinking about phrases more than individual words. Things like: Brighten up, Move up, Look up. They were about motion and optimism. And I didn’t want to limit myself to just one of those things. Up lets me embrace a lot of them at once.

Optimism is something I need. The honest truth is my circumstances aren’t great. And I’m an honest truth kind of person. It’s easy for me to get caught up in the awful-ness of reality. I want to focus on where I’m going and not get stuck where I am. I want to remember the progress and the movement.

My goals, I’ll admit, are mostly financial right now. I want to make enough money that I can work just one job. 

As a mother, I want to figure out what kind of parent I want to be. These days I fly by the seat of my pants, I react rather than act. I want to find the right balance between giving them independence and being involved in what they’re doing. I worry that I think too much about what I was like as a kid and what I wanted, but it’s hard to tap into those little brains to know what I can do that suits them best and lets them flourish. 

As a writer I want to get back to the projects that matter to me. These days my writing is a lot more about freelance gigs, which is great to keep me above water financially but not great for me to work on my craft.

Oh, and I want to keep taking great pictures of the kids. 2014 was a pretty great year for that.

 11929890674 53e2d15c3a z Austin Adventures With Kids

 Grahams Fenway Birthday

 Riding Bikes 3

MFA Chihuly

 

Tessa colors

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I’ve had my camera for 2 years, I never expected I would be able to do things like this. Progress, guys, it’s happening.

Comments

  1. says

    Up, that’s great! I love that you have goals and directions. I am working on my recap post of 2014, but I’m lacking thoughts and a focus on what I want 2015 to be about. Miss you! Best to you and your kiddos in the new year. I’m not sure when I’ll see you, but hopefully we can catch up in the coming months. I think the last time we talked was at the Cupcakes and Cocktails class at BCAE Center LAST January!
    Erica recently posted..Brunch at Kirkland Tap and Trotter in Somerville

  2. says

    I’ve just started playing with my DSLR, so I’m really looking forward to figuring out what all I can do with it.

    I love your word for 2015. My word for 2015 is “ex-pat,” and right now all I can do about that is run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

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